The Walls I Built, They're Tumbling Down
by therealgossipgirl
Summary: After being rejected by Brittany, Santana suddenly feels alone, but finds comfort and solace in Rachel Berry, the school's resident diva, who finds it hard to trust the Cherrio. Can Santana prove that her feelings are genuine and honest?


I stood there, realisation washing over me as I listened to what Brittany was saying to me.

"Santana, I love Artie as well. I can't leave him!"

She loved HIM! A geek! A nerd! She chose him over me. That is why I never tell anyone my feelings! Emotions are the things that determine how weak or strong someone is, and here I am, standing in the middle of the corridor, crying over a cheerleader who loved a gleek more than me! It was the first time I had been rejected and it was by my best friend. Someone I had stood by and stuck up for in all circumstances. Someone I had protected and shared most of my life with. Someone I had loved. Loved. Exactly! Past tense. How could I love someone who made me feel like dirt and worthless! I walked off, not wanting to hear any more of her speech, which basically told me I was her second choice! I was Santana Lopez! I could get absolutely anyone! I didn't need Brittany; I had other friends!

And that's when it dawned on me! I didn't have any friends left! I had abandoned Quinn when she most needed me in order to gain Head Cheerleader status! I had left it too late with Brittany- she was in love with someone else now, and was happy! I couldn't take that happiness away from her- no matter how much it hurt to see her sitting on Artie's lap while he wheeled himself around. Everyone else I had listed as friends on facebook were only friends with me because I came in handy when they were on the rebound and wanted casual sex, or because they wanted the security my popularity provided. None of them were true friends!

"Good morning Santana"

Berry smiled at me as she almost skipped down the corridor! Damn her cheerfulness! How could she be this happy at a time like this! My world had just shattered, leaving me alone, and she was acting as though nothing had happened, which I suppose is what she thought. She didn't know about me and Brittany, or about my life, just like I didn't know anything about hers, yet she had always been civil to me. Okay, what she said about me working on a pole was unfair, but I guess she was just telling me the truth. I have no ambitions, and like most people in this school, I'll be stuck here in Lima. She was the one who helped me make the decision about whether to tell Brittany my feelings- she just didn't know that she had! She made me realise how little I had in my life- no ambitions, no real talent (unlike her), and no one to share the good points of my life with.

Wait... did I just compliment Berry!

No matter what anyone says though, she is talented, but sometimes her need to be honest is really annoying, and it has got her into a lot of trouble over the years! However, even through all of the rough points in her life (everyone hating her, Finn lying to her, etc), she has stayed true to herself. I admire that in her.

As she walked/skipped past me and I thought about her, my gaze continued to follow her. She faltered as she turned the corner, and due to all of the people, I couldn't see why. But I heard a small scream, and laughter coming from everyone in that area. I ran down the hallway to see what all of the commotion was, and after fighting my way to the front of the crowd, I saw a pretty common sight. Berry, covered in slushy, after experiencing one of McKinley's infamous slushy facials. Who the hell started that tradition anyway- its pretty lame!

Before I could stop myself, I heard the words come out of my mouth! And its not like I could take them back after everyone had turned their attention to me.

"Oi, Karofsky, what the fuck do you think you are doing! What is your problem- Kurt rejected you again!"

I know I shouldn't have said anything- Rachel was used to it- but still. All of the Glee kids were around, yet no one thought to say anything- so much for being a team. That pissed me off more than Karofsky! I've had a problem with him since I found out he had kissed my man Kurt! Unlike the others, I wasn't afraid to stick up for my team- no matter how much I hated some of them. Karofsky was standing in front of Rachel, an empty cup in his hand, fuming. I even thought I could see steam coming out of his ears. Every eye turned to face him, shock written on all of their faces, as it dawned on them what I had just said! Before I could face the consequences of my huge mouth, and before everyone could start asking questions, I grabbed Rachel's hand, which was surprisingly soft, and dragged her through the stunned crowd and into the nearest bathroom.

I could tell from her expression that she knew about the Kurt/Karofsky kiss, and though her fringe covered her eyes due to the fact that she was looking at the ground, I could tell that she tears were welling. If there is one thing that I hate, it is seeing people cry! I don't know how to handle them, or what to say. It just made every situation awkward.

"God Berry, don't cry!" I said, hoping she would listen to me- I didn't feel like consoling anyone today, not after the day I'd that's when IT happened.

She HUGGED me! She HUGGED Santana Lopez- the girl everyone loved to hate- the girl everyone was scared of! It all happened so fast that I couldn't stop it. My arms hung limply by my sides because I didn't know what to do with them. I'd only ever hugged Brittany, but she was my best friend, so it seemed normal. Hugging Rachel was different. I'd been a bitch to her for years, made her life hell, and we only spent glee together because we weren't in the same classes. Its not like we were friends or anything.

"Thank you" She whispered into my shoulders so that I could barely hear her. I'd never seen her like this- broken and upset. When she had tonsillitis she had been upset but more she was more frustrated that her schedule had to be put on hold, and that she couldn't sing for a couple of weeks. When she found out Finn had slept with me, she was more annoyed than upset because he had lied to her for over a year, and she believes honesty is the best policy and all of that crap. At no point had I heard her sound so vulnerable and weak. As I realised this, I slowly brought my arms around her, so that my arms rested on her lower back. We stayed in this hugging position for what seemed like an eternity- not that I minded (she smelt really good)!" No one has ever stood up for me before!"

Damn, I didn't know protecting Berry would mean I'd have to play therapist in the production of her life afterwards. I stayed quiet, knowing she hadn't finished!

"I saw them. I saw the other glee members standing around, doing nothing like usual. They always seem to be there, but they never say anything, unlike you. They watch me get slushied and bullied, but they always just stand aside, and let me be the target. Why is it always me? Why do they hate me so much? What have I done!"

As she talking, I saw how much she was hurting. Who would have thought that Rachel Barbra Berry, the schools resident diva, who could outsing Celine Dion, would be just like every other girl- insecure and easily hurt.

"I class them as my friends, even though most don't do the same for me. Some of them wont even accept my friend requests on Facebook"

"Wait... You've got Facebook"

"That's beside the point! They are so bothered about what people think of them, that are willing to stand back and watch me suffer! That's why I admire you Santana. Today, you put aside our differences, and helped me out, when no one else would. They never do. I am a forgiving person, but there are only so many times I can forgive them. There are only so many chances I can give. So, once again, I want to thank you! It is much appreciated. I hope you realise how much much it meant to me."

Then she walked over to the sink, in the process dropping my hand, which I didn't even know she was holding. After inspecting the damage, she seemed to get into a familiar routine, and I felt my heartstrings pull. She had suffered so much because of the people in Glee and in the school, and I was once one of the bitches causing her pain.

"Rachel, I'm so sorry I ever did this to you. I'm sorry for all of the slushies and the names. I didn't realise how much it hurt you. I promise you I won't do it again"

I saw her flinch as she was rummaging around in her bag, looking for something. Then she turned around, silent tears cascading down her face like a river.

"Santana, as much as I appreciate what you did today, please don't make promises you can't keep."

I closed my eyes tight, trying to rid my brain of her words. I regretted all of the things I had done in my past, from hurting Rachel, to letting Brittany go when she wanted more than just casual sex. Yes, I had made mistakes, but so has everyone else! No one's perfect!

"Rach, look, I realise that I don't have the best track record, and I know I'm a bit of a bitch, but one thing I'm not is a liar! Ask anyone! I didn't lie to you about sleeping with Finn despite him telling me to, and I didn't lie to Brittany when she asked if I had feelings for her..."

SHIT! I hadn't meant to say that. I could see Rachel's eyes widen as she processed the information.

"Oh San, I didn't know. I'm so sorry. I just saw her with Artie, so I'm guessing she didn't feel the same way. It must have been so hard for you, first for admitting that you were homosexual, and second for being rejected."

"Look Berry, I don't need your sympathy. Britt's happy with Wheels, and I'm happy ALONE!"

I could tell from her face that she didn't believe me. And I'd just told her that I never lied...

"Santana, I know your not happy alone- no one is. And please stop using anger to hide from me. I can't help you if you're not willing to open up."

I knew she was right. Anger was the way I hid my feelings, and so far in life, it had gotten me nowhere. It only made people think that I was a cold, heartless bitch, which I suppose helped sometimes, like when I was HBIC, and wanted to get people to follow my orders, but it had made me loose everyone I've ever loved, Britt, Quinn (as a friend obviously), Puck (as a fuck obviously). I knew if I ever wanted Rachel to forgive me, I would have to let her help me, which in turn, would mean I would have to open up. I needed a friend right now. I needed Rachel. I had never needed to rely on someone before, yet here I was. On the verge of tears in front of someone covered in slushy, a McKinley High tradition that I had started.

"Please Rach, please help me! Help me become a nicer person. Help me become more like you! I don't want to be alone anymore!"

"Oh Santana"

I felt her arms wrap around me, pulling me into her. With my head on her shoulder, I took in a big breath, taking in her scent, sweet and calming, which was what tipped me over the edge. The unshed tears began to flow, and I cried for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only a few minutes. I cried because of Brittany. I cried because I knew my sexuality would not be accepted. I cried because I was a bitch to Rachel, and she was now the one watching me break. I cried all of the tears I had kept in for over a decade.

When it seemed like my crying was over, I looked up, and my gaze immediately met hers. Her soft, warm, passionate eyes met mine. I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was the fact that she just there, and I needed a form of release. Maybe it was the fact that I respected her for all she had done in Glee and for not letting the bullies and haters get her down and destroy her spirit and optimism. Maybe I just wanted to thank her for all she had done for me this afternoon. Whatever the reason was, it lead me to slowly lean in. My eyes always locked with hers, as our lips met in one of the most beautiful, tender kisses of my life. Despite her hesitation at first, she soon began to kiss me back, and it quickly deepened. I know it sounds cheesy, and ridiculous, but as soon as our lips met, I could see fireworks. My eyes closed, and a multitude of colours exploded behind my eyelids. Eventually, we both pulled back, desperate for air.

"Just to warn you Santana, we're going to have to talk about that."

"I know, but...wow"

"I agree...wow"

"I don't really feel like talking about this now. In the toilets I mean. But how about tonight at Breadsticks, 7 o'clock. I want to see where this" I pointed to both of us "leads."

"So do I, so I guess I'll see you there."

"Yeah, see you later Rach" I said as I headed towards the door, a huge smile gracing my features.

"Oh, and Santana, I believe you"

As she said those words, that she believed that I was truly sorry, my smile grew, to the point that it was almost painful. A similar smile was on her face, and for the first time all day, I felt like everything would work out, and everything would be ok. I was on such a high, that nothing or noone could bring me down- not even the memories from my earlier encounter with Brittany.I headed out of the door, a small skip to my step, a smile permanently stuck on my face, which only faltered slightly when I felt a freezing cold liquid hit my face, and drip all down my impeccable cherrios uniform. I stood there, in utter shock, before retreating back through the door I had just exited. Luckily the corridor had been empty because most people had gone to their classes, but that didn't matter, because being slushied meant that I could spend more time with Rachel, and after that mind-blowing kiss, and having her stay with me when I needed her most whereas everyone else would have walked away, it was the only thing I wanted to do.

Wow, one kiss and one conversation, and I'm already whipped.


End file.
